I know, I know, I know. I've been posting alot of pictures etc of PA.
But she is gorgeous so you can't blame me really.I've been doing alot of thinking recently and I need to change my whole attitude and stuff. The way I see life, the way I see the world and the only way by doing this is doing things for myself, going to different places to view the different things this planet has to offer.
Where to start, where to go, who to go with. Hmm.
Should I even bother? Will it actually make any difference to how I see life, how I see the world?
Ever since I saw, "Beyond Rangoon" I've been facinated with what the world has to offer everyone. Patricia's acting was just superb and she really drew you into the story.
I can hear the clock ticking, time gone that I can't get back. Time that I have spent being angry at people when I could have been happy and had fun with them. What a waste of time. Time that you will never get back, no matter how much you think about it. Man, I'm going a bit crazy, maybe I should get a therapist and tell them about this?
It's a long time dead, thats all I'm saying.
Try and see the world through someone elses eyes, a poor person, a homeless person, a rich person. How do they see everything? Evil, wonderful, terrible,scary? All these thoughts are going through my head and I don't even really know why. But I do know that it all started with Patricia. You may think.... "Oh my, she is weird"
But until you have felt this, seen the way she moves and acts, the depth she reaches. You will understand.
No, don't worry. I'm not some "crazed stalker" of the famous. She just captures everything that seems to be around.
Maybe this wont make any sence to anyone else apart from me. Or maybe you are reading this and you find out that it does make sence to you, but you have no idea why. You can't connect it to anything in particular.
Try watching her acting, see if you can feel it too. Maybe you wont, but you never know unless you try.
Sorry if you are freaked out reading this, but my mind works in various ways. I, myself may read this back tomorrow and be like "what the hell am I on about?" But right now, it feels so real. I can see it.
I know that I will probably never in my life see Patricia in person and thank her for helping me see the world in a different light. Even if I did see her, I don't think I would be able to talk, I would be in shock.
If I just got to spend one day with her, I'm sure she would tell me that it's not all bad. I could tell her about my S-I story, then she could give me some advice. It would feel like a weight lifting off my shoulders.
Even though I have been around 3 months clean of s-i. I still feel the urges, I still get the rollercoaster of emotions, but I know that I can control my actions and not go down that route again.
Route.
Many paths in life. Which one should I take. Which one will lead me to something beautiful. Something breathtaking. Something that I will be able to look at and think "yes, this is it. This is what I needed to make my life whole".